Christian: MARKER.
THANK YOU.
SCALPEL.
THUMB.
Liz: LAWNMOWER?
Christian: GARBAGE DISPOSAL.
GUY'S A PLUMBER.
THE POWER SURGED, AND SUDDENLY
HE'S PICKING HIS NOSE WITH HIS
ELBOW.
Liz: NO ROOM AT THE E.R.?
Christian: HOSPITAL PHOBIC.
HE CAUGHT A NASTY STAPH
INFECTION AT COUNTY LAST YEAR.
I TOOK THE COLD CALL AN HOUR
AGO.
I AM HAPPY TO TAKE THE COLD,
HARD CASH.
MAESTRO, SOME MUSIC, PLEASE.
[ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYING]
[MACHINERY WHIRRING]
Nurse: HOW MUCH HAVE YOU LOST?
Liz: 15 POUNDS.
I MAKE A TOAST AS WE SPEAK.
ATKINS.
Christian: WOULD YOU HENS QUIT
SQUAWKING?
I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE HERE.
Liz: WELL, YOU BETTER
CONCENTRATE HARDER, CHRISTIAN.
YOU ATTACHED THOSE WRONG.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU PUT THE INDEX FINGER WHERE
THE MIDDLE FINGER SHOULD BE.
Christian: NO, I DIDN'T.
Liz: YES, YOU DID, CHRISTIAN.
HE'S A TWO-SY.
LOOK AT HIS OTHER HAND.
THE MIDDLE FINGER IS LONGER
THAN THE INDEX FINGER.
Christian: LIZ, DIDN'T YOU JUST
GET LASIK SURGERY?
Liz: 2 WEEKS AGO.
Christian: WELL, GO BACK.
IT DIDN'T WORK.
Liz: OK, THIS IS BULLSHIT.
I'M GETTING SEAN.
* FEAR OF BUTTERFLIES, BABY, AT
HOME AT NIGHT,
MY TEMPERATURE'S STARTING TO
RISE... *
Christian: HEY, DAD, HERE TO
PULL OVER THE CAR?
Sean: OH, CHRIST.
Christian: WHAT?
Sean: LIZ IS RIGHT.
YOU ATTACHED THESE FINGERS
INCORRECTLY.
* JUST ONE LOVE,
I WAS A BAD MESS... *
Christian: IT'S A MATTER OF
MILLIMETERS.
I DON'T SEE--
Sean: THAT'S THE PROBLEM,
CHRISTIAN.
NOT ONLY DO YOU NOT SEE
THE ERROR, BUT YOU'D RATHER
ARGUE THAN CORRECT IT.
Christian: I'LL FIX IT.
Sean: NO, I'LL FIX IT.
YOU CAN ASSIST.
Christian: IT'S MY PATIENT.
Sean: WHO'S ALREADY BEEN UNDER
ANESTHESIA FOR 4 HOURS.
YOU WANT TO AIM FOR 8, OR DO
YOU WANT TO SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE
AND LET ME KNOCK IT OUT IN 6?
* WHOO! *
Liz: WELL, AT LEAST HE GOT
THE THUMB RIGHT.
Sean: 15 BLADE.
* TALL WALKIN' BIG BLACK CAT *
Sean: BETTER HOPE YOUR
ASSIGNMENT AT RECERTIFICATION
NEXT WEEK ISN'T DIGIT
MICROSURGERY.
HEY, YOU HAD A ROUGH MONTH--
THE PRIEST, THE KIMBER INCIDENT.
YOU JUST NEED A VACATION.
Christian: DON'T MAKE EXCUSES
FOR ME, SEAN.
LET'S JUST FINALLY SAY OUT LOUD
WHAT WE'VE BOTH KNOWN FOR YEARS.
I AM A GODDAMN TERRIBLE SURGEON.
WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT TO BE MY
PARTNER, ANYWAY?
Sean: I'M PROUD OF THE BUSINESS
WE STARTED FROM NOTHING.
WE'RE SELF-MADE MEN.
YOU SAID IT BEST A COUPLE OF
MONTHS AGO, CHRISTIAN.
WE FIT.
YOU'RE THE PLANNER...
Christian: AND YOU'RE
THE TALENT.
I'VE SLID BY ON YOUR SKILL FOR
YEARS, AND WE BOTH KNOW IT.
I WAS IN THE BOTTOM 10 PERCENT
OF OUR CLASS, SEAN.
THE ONLY REASON I PASSED WAS
BECAUSE YOU TUTORED ME AND
WOULDN'T GIVE UP UNTIL I'D
LEARNED IT.
BUT I NEVER BECAME IT.
I'M A MIMIC.
I'M A MYNA BIRD WITH A SCALPEL.
NO, NO, WORSE.
I'M BOBOLIT IN BETTER SUITS.
I DON'T EXCEL AT ANYTHING--
RELATIONSHIPS, MY PROFESSION.
ALL I HAVE TO OFFER IS A GREAT
SMILE AND A CONVINCING LINE OF
BULLSHIT.
* AH *
* MAKE ME
BEAUTIFUL *
* MAKE ME
A PERFECT SOUL,
A PERFECT MIND,
A PERFECT FACE,
A PERFECT
LIFE *
Doctor: I'VE BEEN GOING OVER
YOUR Q-TWIST.
Megan: MY WHAT?
Doctor: YOUR Q-TWIST.
IT'S A STATISTICAL METHOD THAT
PROVIDES A MEASURE OF SURVIVAL
TIME WEIGHTED BY A PATIENT'S
QUALITY OF LIFE.
QUALITY TIME WITHOUT SYMPTOMS
AND TOXICITY--Q-TWIST.
Megan: THAT'S VERY CLEVER.
Doctor: AND USEFUL.
IT'S HOW WE DETERMINE IF
AN ALTERNATIVE COURSE OF
TREATMENT IS WARRANTED.
Sean: IF? THERE'S NO IF UNLESS
IT'S FOLLOWED BY A THEN.
IF TAMOXOPHEN DOESN'T WORK,
THEN WE TRY SOMETHING ELSE--
EXPERIMENTAL TRIALS, CLINICAL
TRIALS.
I'M A DOCTOR.
I'LL PULL WHATEVER STRINGS
I NEED TO.
Doctor: DR. McNAMARA, WHEN
YOU COMPARE THE PATIENT'S
OVERALL SURVIVAL WITH HIS OR
HER CLINICAL HEALTH STATE--
Sean: THE PATIENT'S NAME IS
MEGAN.
Doctor: YES, AND ACCORDING TO
MEGAN'S Q-TWIST--
Megan: SHE'D BE BETTER OFF DEAD.
Doctor: MEGAN, THERE ARE ALWAYS
WAYS OF FIGHTING.
IT'S ENTIRELY UP TO YOU TO
DECIDE WHETHER THE BENEFITS
OUTWEIGH THE COSTS.
Sean: COULD YOU GIVE US
A MINUTE, PLEASE?
Doctor: CERTAINLY.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Sean: WE SHOULD GO SOMEWHERE
AND TALK ABOUT OPTIONS, WHAT WE
WANT TO DO.
Megan: I CAN'T, SEAN.
I'M EXHAUSTED.
I--ALL THE CHEMO THAT I DIDN'T
WANT TO HAVE AGAIN BECAUSE
I KNEW IT WOULDN'T WORK THIS
TIME...
Sean: OK.
WE'LL DO IT TONIGHT AFTER YOU
REST.
WE MADE PLANS TO CELEBRATE YOUR
LAST TREATMENT.
NOW WE'LL CELEBRATE YOU FINDING
A NEW DOCTOR.
HERE.
[SIGHS]
Christian: MR. CHARLES, TELL ME
WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT
YOURSELF.
Mr. Charles: LET ME SEE.
I SHOULD BE MORE PATIENT WITH
MY GRANDKIDS, AND I SHOULDN'T
TAKE MY GOLF GAME SO DAMN
SERIOUSLY.
Mrs. Grubman: DARLING, NO NEED
FOR THE WINDY ANALYSIS.
DR. TROY JUST WANTS TO MAKE SURE
THAT YOU WANT A SCROTAL LIFT,
THAT YOU'RE NOT DOING IT JUST
FOR ME.
Mr. Charles: WELL, SURE.
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO LOOK
GOOD.
I WOULDN'T MIND HAVING
THE COUSIN SPRUCED UP AND LIFTED
OFF THE FLOOR.
Woman, laughing: OH,
ISN'T HE JUST A DOLL?
NOW, DR. TROY, WRITE THIS DOWN.
WE NEED TO RESERVE BOTH BEDS IN
THE RECOVERY SUITE.
Christian: WHY?
Mrs. Grubman: WELL, BECAUSE
I WILL BE RECUPERATING AS WELL
FROM MY VAGINAL REJUVENATION.
YOU SEE, DR. TROY, JUST BECAUSE
SUMNER AND I ARE GONNA GROW
OLD TOGETHER DOESN'T MEAN
WE HAVE TO LOOK OLD.
STRIP US NAKED, IT'S LIKE
THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM.
WE JUST WANT TO FRESHEN UP
BEFORE THE WEDDING.
Christian: YOU TWO ARE ENGAGED?
AH, CONGRATULATIONS.
Mrs. Grubman: I'VE NEVER BEEN
WEALTHIER--ON EVERY LEVEL.
Sumner: HA HA!
AND AS YOU KNOW, DR. TROY,
FREE IS A WORD THAT US WEALTHY
FOLKS JUST--JUST LOVE.
Mrs. Grubman: MMM.
Christian: MRS. GRUBMAN, WE ARE
OBLIGATED AND, IN FACT,
DELIGHTED TO DO ALL OF YOUR
COSMETIC SURGERIES, BUT IT DOES
NOT INCLUDE OPERATIONS FOR YOUR
FRIENDS AND FIANCE.
Mrs. Grubman: OH, YES, IT DOES,
DR. TROY.
AND DON'T THINK FOR ONE MINUTE
I CAN'T CALL UP MY LAWYER NEXT
WEEK OR EVEN A YEAR FROM NOW AND
SAY, "OH, THE VEILS HAVE FALLEN
FROM MY EYES.
I NOW SEE THAT WE HAVE TO SUE
McNAMARA-TROY FOR EVERY CENT
THEY HAVE."
Sumner: HA!
ISN'T SHE A TIGER?
Christian: YOUR FIANCEE IS VERY
PERSUASIVE.
Mrs. Grubman: WHICH RHYMES WITH
"INVASIVE," WHICH I'M SORRY TO
SAY, DR. TROY, IS A RISK I CAN'T
RUN WITH YOU AGAIN.
Christian: SORRY?
Mrs. Grubman: WELL, OF COURSE,
YOU CAN LIFT SUMNER'S TESTICLES.
I READ THE LITERATURE ON THAT.
IT'S A SIMPLE TUCK.
BUT I'M GOING TO NEED
DR. McNAMARA TO PERFORM
MY OPERATION.
WELL, AT LEAST THAT WAY, I'LL
HAVE SOME CONFIDENCE THAT
I WON'T WAKE UP WITH A CAUTERY
TIP LODGED IN MY UTERUS.
[SUMNER LAUGHS]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
Woman: THAT CHECK?
NONREFUNDABLE.
EVEN IF YOU FAIL
RECERTIFICATION.
ALSO, YOU SHOULD BE AWARE THAT
IF YOU DO FAIL, YOU HAVE TO
BLOCK OUT ANOTHER WEEK OF
AFTERNOONS TO TAKE THE TEST
AGAIN, AND YOU CAN'T PRACTICE
UNTIL YOU PASS IT.
Christian: THANKS.
Woman: DON'T FORGET YOUR SCRUBS
AND YOUR INSTRUMENTS.
Merril: RECERTIFICATIONS EVERY
10 YEARS?
BOYS, WE HAVE GOT TO STOP
MEETING LIKE THIS.
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU TWO SINCE--
Christian: SINCE GRADUATION.
MY, HOW TIME AND HAIRLINES FLY.
Sean: ACTUALLY, THAT'S NOT TRUE,
CHRISTIAN.
YOU'VE SEEN HIM SEVERAL TIMES.
THE BILLBOARDS?
FEATURING YOU AND 2 STRIPPERS
WITH HINDENBURGS IN THEIR
CHESTS.
CLASSY STUFF, MERRIL.
YOU'RE REALLY UPGRADING
THE IMAGE OF AN ALREADY
BELEAGUERED PROFESSION.
CONGRATULATIONS.
Merril: SEAN, OW.
RETRACT THOSE CLAWS.
NO, WAIT, YOU CAN'T.
NOW THAT I'M STEALING ALL YOUR
BUSINESS, YOU NEED THEM TO
SCRATCH OUT A LIVING.
SEAN, JUST A WARNING.
I MAY BE FORCED TO TELL
THE TEACHER IF I CATCH YOU
CHEATING OFF MY PAPER.
OR SHOULD I SAY HEAD?
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Man: DOCTORS, PLEASE INTRODUCE
YOURSELVES TO YOUR PATIENTS.
Merril: GREAT.
I GET THE FAT CHICK.
Proctor: FROM EXPERIENCE, WE
KNOW THAT MANY OF YOU FIND
OPERATING ON A CADAVER'S HEAD TO
BE AN IMPERSONAL, SOMEWHAT
UNSETTLING EXPERIENCE.
WE WANT TO HELP WITH THAT, SO
AT THIS TIME, IF YOU WISH,
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EXAMINE
YOUR CADAVER'S PERSONAL
BIOGRAPHY.
Proctor: YES?
Christian: I'D LIKE ANOTHER
HEAD, PLEASE.
Proctor: WHY?
Christian: I HAVE LARGE HANDS,
AND AS YOU CAN SEE, THIS IS
THE HEAD OF A SMALL PERSON.
I WON'T BE ABLE TO PROPERLY
MANIPULATE THE CRANIUM, SEE?
Proctor: DR. TROY, WE ONLY HAVE
A CERTAIN NUMBER OF BODIES
DONATED TO SCIENCE.
TO MATCH A CADAVER'S HEAD
WITH EVERY SURGEON WAS NO SMALL
FEAT.
WE HAD TO PUT OUT A CALL TO
4 COUNTIES TO MAKE SURE WE HAD
ENOUGH.
I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE JUST
GONNA HAVE TO MAKE THIS WORK.
[MERRIL LAUGHS]
Proctor: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE FIRST OPERATION FOR BOARDS
IS THE RHINOPLASTY.
YOU HAVE ONE HOUR.
AND...
BEGIN.
[TAPPING]
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Sean: IF YOU'D RATHER NOT
DISCUSS THIS NOW, WE DON'T HAVE
TO, BUT I'M JUST SAYING I WENT
TO MED SCHOOL WITH THIS GUY IN
ATLANTA WHO'S BEEN COMBINING
INSULIN POTENTIATION THERAPY
WITH THIS NEW DRUG UKRAINE.
Megan: IS THAT DEBUSSY OR
SCRIABIN?
I ALWAYS GET THEM CONFUSED.
Sean: UH, I WASN'T LISTENING.
Megan: I KNOW.
Megan: CLOSE YOUR EYES.
Megan: I USED TO PLAY THAT WHEN
I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.
Sean: IT'S BEAUTIFUL, MEGAN.
Megan: IT'S FUNNY.
I HARDLY EVER PAY ATTENTION TO
THE MUSIC IN A RESTAURANT.
Sean: YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ON A LOT
OF BAD DATES.
I'VE HEARD SOME ENTIRE
SYMPHONIES DURING SOME AWKWARD
SILENCES.
Sean: MORE?
Megan: NO, BUT FEEL FREE.
Waiter: EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU DONE?
Megan: YES. THANK YOU.
Sean: YOU SURE? YOU BARELY ATE.
Waiter: I COULD LEAVE IT HERE
IF YOU LIKE.
Megan: NO, REALLY, IT'S FINE.
Sean: YOU WANT TO TAKE IT HOME?
YOU MAY GET HUNGRY LATER.
Megan: SHIT.
Sean: UH...
SORRY.
Waiter: PLEASE, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT IT.
WE'LL GET THIS TAKEN CARE OF.
Sean: I SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE YOU
COME.
YOU SAID YOU WERE TIRED.
Megan: ARE YOU KIDDING?
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET
A RESERVATION AT THIS PLACE FOR
YEARS.
THAT'LL TEACH 'EM, DAMN SNOBS.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Megan: AT LEAST IT WAS ROMANTIC.
Sean: THINGS'LL GET BETTER.
[MEGAN SIGHS]
Megan: YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK
SO.
AND NEITHER DO YOU.
MY BODY IS EXPRESSING ITS
OPINION VERY CLEARLY--
UNCONTROLLABLE VOMITING,
LOSS OF ALL MY SENSES,
DIMINISHED LUCIDITY, A DRAMATIC
INCREASE IN PAIN, AND A PRETTY
EXCRUCIATING DEATH.
Sean: AND I WILL BE THERE WITH
YOU EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
Megan: THAT'S GOING TO MAKE IT
PRETTY HARD TO KEEP THIS THING
UNDER WRAPS.
IF YOU'RE RUSHING TO MY SICKBED,
JULIA'S LIKELY TO NOTICE
AFTER A WHILE.
I DON'T WANT A LONG-DRAWN-OUT
DEATH, SEAN.
I REALLY DON'T.
I WANT A QUICK AND PEACEFUL ONE
THAT'S UNDER MY CONTROL.
Sean: THAT'S WHAT WE ALL HOPE
FOR.
Megan: I'M GOING TO DO MORE
THAN HOPE.
[MACHINE BEEPING]
Christian: CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT
BITCH INSINUATING I'M
A TERRIBLE SURGEON WHILE SHE'S
BLACKMAILING ME?
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LEFT THE
CAUTERY TIP IN HER GUT, NOT ME.
I'VE DONE SOME OF MY BEST WORK
ON THE GRIM REAPER IN THERE.
IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME, SHE'D
LOOK HER AGE.
WELL, SCREW HER.
I MAY SLIP UP NOW AND THEN, BUT
I AM NOT DEVOID OF SKILL.
YOU MAY BE THE CARPENTER CHAMP,
BUT I AM THE CONSTRUCTION
WORKER AROUND HERE.
I LAY THE FOUNDATIONS THAT YOU
REFINE.
Sean: THAT'S RIGHT.
Christian: I'M GOING TO PASS
THE RECERTIFICATION.
I'M GOING TO WORK HARDER, BE
LESS COMPLACENT.
I'M GOING TO APPLY MYSELF AND
NOT COAST BY ANYMORE ON SLICK.
[WATER RUNNING]
WE HAVE TO SWITCH HEADS.
[SEAN TURNS OFF WATER]
Sean: WHAT?
Christian: I CANNOT PASS WITH
THESE BIG MITTS AND THAT MIDGET
HEAD, SEAN.
Sean: YOU OPERATED ON
A CADAVER HEAD IN COLLEGE.
YOU PASSED.
Christian: IN COLLEGE, THEY LET
YOU SLIDE BY ON YOUTH AND
HUBRIS.
THEY'RE TOUGHER ON YOU IN
THE RECERTIFICATION.
LET'S FACE IT.
I CAN DO A NOSE JOB AND
CERTAINLY A BRILLIANT TIT JOB,
BUT YOU'RE THE CRANIO-FACIAL
MAN, SEAN, NOT ME.
YOU DO ALMOST ALL OF OUR
FACE-LIFTS.
IT'S NOT MY SPECIALTY, AND
WHENEVER I HAVE DONE THEM,
YOU'VE BEEN THERE TO SUPERVISE.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
I CAN'T FAIL, AND I CAN'T HAVE
BOBOLIT LAUGHING AT ME,
AND I CAN'T LET GRUBMAN BE
RIGHT.
Sean: PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.
Christian: OH, PRACTICE?
PRACTICE ON WHAT, SEAN,
MR. POTATO HEAD?
IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN BRUSH UP ON
A FETAL PIG.
THERE IS ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
KILL GRUBMAN AND PRACTICE ON
HER.
Sean: WHAT DID YOUR HEAD DIE OF?
Christian: HEART ATTACK. YOURS?
Sean: SUICIDE.
YOU BELIEVE IN THAT?
Christian: I THINK IF A PERSON
IS IN A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN,
PHYSICAL OR SPIRITUAL,
AND THEY'VE EXHAUSTED ALL THEIR
OPTIONS, I WOULDN'T JUDGE THEM
FOR IT.
I'D SAY A SILENT PRAYER AND HOPE
THEY FOUND THE PEACE LIFE
COULDN'T GIVE THEM.
I'LL ASSIST WITH THE BEEF
CURTAINS, AND THEN WE'LL WHEEL
IN COLONEL SANDERS.
Liz: FORGIVE ME?
Christian: WELL, YOU DID SAVE ME
FROM A NEGLIGENCE SUIT.
WHY NOT?
Liz: THE VERY FACT THAT WE CAN
CONTINUE TO COEXIST IN
SEMI-HATRED--I AM BATHED IN
RELIEF.
[CHRISTIAN LAUGHS]
Christian: ANYTHING INTERESTING?
Liz: SLOW NEWS DAY.
MORE SCANDAL IN THE POLICE
DEPARTMENT.
A LITTLE OLD HOMELESS LADY DIED.
Christian: LITTLE?
Liz: A JANE DOE FOUND UNCLAIMED
AND DEAD UNDERNEATH A PALM AT
THE BEACH.
Christian: FOUL PLAY?
Liz: NATURAL CAUSES.
THEY THINK SHE WENT TO SIT DOWN
TO REST AND KICKED.
POOR THING, SHE HAD NO I.D.
THEY SUSPECT SHE WAS AROUND
80 YEARS OLD.
Christian: WEIGHT?
Liz: 5 FOOT TALL, 98 POUNDS.
SAD.
[WOMAN SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
Guard: IF YOU WANT TO SEE DEAD
PEOPLE, YOU CHECK WITH ME FIRST.
Christian: CORONER'S OFFICE,
CHRISTIAN TROY.
I'M HERE TO INVESTIGATE
A CERTAIN SOUTH BEACH JANE DOE.
Guard: I.D.?
Christian, laughs: I MUST'VE
LEFT IT AT HOME.
Guard: SHAME.
Christian: LOOK, I'M HERE ON
OFFICIAL BUSINESS.
Guard: OH, IT'S OFFICIAL
BUSINESS.
THAT'S DIFFERENT.
Christian: WHAT OTHER KIND OF
BUSINESS WOULD I HAVE WITH
A CORPSE?
Guard: MONKEY BUSINESS.
2 MONTHS AGO, I WALKED IN ON
A GUY GETTING HIS FREAK ON WITH
HIS DEAD EX.
WANTED TO DO IT ONCE WITHOUT
HER CRITICIZING.
Christian: I DON'T USUALLY GET
CRITICIZED.
[THUD]
Guard: I BET YOU DON'T--
NOT LOOKING LIKE THAT--
GUCCI SUIT, ROLEX--
ONE FANCY CORONER.
I'M GUESSING YOU'RE EITHER
MOONLIGHTING AS AN INVESTMENT
BANKER, OR YOU'RE STEALING THIS
SHIT OFF OF DEAD PEOPLE.
NOW YOU BETTER TELL ME WHAT YOU
WANT AND WHY YOU'RE HERE, OR
ELSE I'M GOING TO TELL SECURITY
THAT WE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH
A MALE MODEL NECROPHILIAC.
Christian: I LIKE YOUR COLOGNE.
LAGERFELD?
Guard: DIALING.
WH--
Christian: ALL RIGHT.
I'M A PLASTIC SURGEON.
Guard: HONEY, IT'S WAY TOO LATE
FOR THESE PEOPLE.
Christian: I JUST NEED THE RIGHT
KIND OF HEAD.
Guard: OH.
OK.
Christian: TO PRACTICE ON.
I'M TAKING AN EXAM, AND IF
I FAIL, I'M SCREWED.
Guard: SHIT.
YOU WANT TO PRACTICE ON
JANE DOE?
WELL, I'M ALL ABOUT A TRADE.
Christian: I COULD GIVE YOU SOME
NEW PECS.
Guard: THERE AIN'T NOTHING WRONG
WITH MY PECS.
WORKED MY ASS OFF FOR THESE
PECS.
I NEVER...
LIKED MY CHIN.
Guard: YOU'VE GOT ONE HOUR.
I'LL COME BY NEXT WEEK TO
SCHEDULE.
[SCOFFS]
IT SUCKS GETTING OLD, DOESN'T
IT?
Sean: NO PICTURES OF ME?
Megan: I'LL HAVE MEMORIES OF
YOU, AND YOU'LL HAVE MEMORIES
OF ME.
Sean: WE CAN MAKE MORE MEMORIES.
WE COULD GO TO PARIS.
Megan: I ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO
PARIS, BUT IF YOU CAN ONLY WALK
FOR A FEW MINUTES
AND YOU CAN'T DRINK ALL THAT
WINE AND YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX,
ALL YOU'VE GOT IS
THE ARCHITECTURE.
AND I'M NOT SO MUCH FOR
ARCHITECTURE.
Sean: BUT YOU LIKE THIS MOTEL
BY THE SEA.
Megan: NO. I LIKE THIS ROOM.
THIS ROOM WAS THE LAST PLACE
I FELT HAPPY.
THIS ROOM IS THE LAST PLACE
I FELT HOPE.
[SIGHS]
AND YOU HEARD WHAT THE DOCTOR
SAID, SEAN.
THERE IS NO MORE HOPE.
ALL I CAN HOPE FOR IS DIGNITY
AND A NICE SUNSET TOMORROW.
Sean: I WON'T LET YOU DO THIS.
Megan: IT'S NOT YOUR DECISION.
Sean: I JUST FOUND YOU.
Megan: AND NOW YOU HAVE TO LET
ME GO.
I DON'T FEAR DEATH, SEAN.
I FEAR THE PROLONGMENT OF IT.
Sean: I CAN'T CONDONE THIS OR
HELP YOU, MEGAN.
THIS IS RASH.
Megan: THIS IS RIGHT.
[SIGHS] IT'S LIKE...
WHEN YOU'RE A KID AT
AN AMUSEMENT PARK, AND YOU'RE
HAVING THE GREATEST TIME.
ICE CREAM AND FERRIS WHEELS AND
STUFFED ANIMALS.
AND IT GETS LATE, AND YOU BEG
YOUR PARENTS TO LET YOU STAY.
YOU'LL BE SO GOOD.
YOU'LL DO ANYTHING THEY ASK.
SO THEY SAY, "OK."
ONLY NOW...
THE STEPS ARE HARDER TO CLIMB.
YOU HAVE A TUMMYACHE, AND YOU'RE
TOO TIRED TO WAIT IN LINE
FOR THE RIDES ANYMORE.
AND SUDDENLY YOU BEGIN TO CRY.
[SOBS]
IT'S NO FUN ANYMORE.
[SOBBING]
AND YOU HEAR YOUR MOM'S VOICE
SAYING, "MEGAN, WHEN ARE YOU
GONNA LEARN ENOUGH'S ENOUGH?"
[SIGHS]
[CLOCK TICKING]
Proctor: WE WILL START WITH
THE BI-CORONAL INCISION.
AND...BEGIN.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
IS THERE A PROBLEM, DR. TROY?
Christian: NO, DR. HIROSHI.
AHEM. NO PROBLEM AT ALL.
Dr. Hiroshi: I HOPE YOU FINISH
BETTER THAN YOU BEGIN.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Adelle: OUCH!
CAN YOU DO MY EYES NEXT?
I HATE THESE CROW'S-FEET.
Sean: I'M UNDER STRESS.
Adelle: WHAT'S NEW?
Sean: YOU'RE NOT REAL.
THIS IS MY SUBCONSCIOUS TALKING.
Adelle: ALWAYS WITH
THE INTELLECTUAL.
THAT MINDSET COMES IN HANDY,
DOESN'T IT, SEAN?
WHEN YOU'RE OPERATING ON
THE DEAD OR YOU'RE TRYING TO
TALK YOUR GIRLFRIEND OUT OF
KILLING HERSELF.
Sean: SHUT UP!
Adelle: YOU MIND IF I TALK WHILE
YOU WORK?
Sean: YOU'RE NOT REAL.
Adelle: DEATH IS AN ILLUSION,
SEAN.
IT'S LOVE THAT REMAINS.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT YOUR LOVE
FOR MEGAN WILL REMAIN EVEN WHEN
SHE'S GONE.
AND SO, FOR THAT MATTER,
WILL YOUR LOVE FOR JULIA WHEN
SHE FINDS OUT THAT YOU HELPED
YOUR GIRLFRIEND KILL HERSELF
AND SHE DIVORCES YOU.
Sean: SHE WON'T FIND OUT.
I'M NOT KILLING ANYBODY!
Adelle: FINE. WE DON'T HAVE
TO TALK ABOUT IT.
YOU JUST CONCENTRATE ON
YOUR WORK, DEAR.
Sean: I'M GONNA LIFT
THE BROW NOW.
Adelle: LOVE IT! HA HA!
LIFT AWAY! [COUGHING]
Sean: CANCER?
Adelle: LIKE MEGAN'S?
NO, DARLING.
I GOT THIS FROM THE VOMITING.
WHEN I GOT SO BORED WITH MY
LIFE I DECIDED TO END IT ALL,
I GATHERED UP ALL OF MOTHER'S
LITTLE HELPERS AND WASHED THEM
DOWN WITH A TUMBLER OF MARTINIS.
BUT WHAT THEY DON'T TELL YOU IS
THAT PILLS AND ALCOHOL ALMOST
ALWAYS CAUSE YOU TO RETCH
UNCONTROLLABLY.
OH, WELL, MY THROAT JUST GOT
RUINED.
HELP MEGAN, SEAN.
Sean: NO.
Adelle: GIVE HER A NICE GLASS OF
COLD MILK TO COAT HER STOMACH
SO SHE WON'T HUMILIATE HERSELF
LIKE SHE DID IN THE RESTAURANT.
AND DON'T FORGET THE PLASTIC
BAG.
Sean: NO!
Adelle: IT'S A NECESSARY EVIL
WHEN YOU'RE COMMITTING SUICIDE.
OH, PILLS AND ALCOHOL ALONE ARE
AN INSUFFERABLY LONG, SLOW,
DEATH.
BUT WITH A BAG OVER YOUR HEAD
AFTER YOU'VE TAKEN THE PILLS,
OH, HEAVEN!
OH, THE LACK OF OXYGEN
MAKES YOU SEE COLORS.
JUST BEAUTIFUL, GLORIOUS,
VIBRANT COLORS.
AND YOU GO OFF SO PEACEFUL,
LIKE YOU WERE IN A DREAM.
THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO,
SEAN. BAG HER.
Dr. Hiroshi: TIME!
[SCALPELS DROPPING]
Elton John: * SHE PACKED MY BAGS
LAST NIGHT PRE-FLIGHT,
ZERO HOUR, 9 A.M.,
AND I'M GONNA BE HIGH
AS A KITE BY THEN *
* I MISS THE EARTH SO MUCH,
I MISS MY WIFE,
IT'S LONELY OUT IN SPACE
ON SUCH A TIMELESS FLIGHT *
* AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG, LONG TIME
TILL TOUCHDOWN
BRINGS ME ROUND AGAIN TO FIND
I'M NOT THE MAN
THEY THINK I AM AT HOME,
OH, NO, NO, NO,
I'M A ROCKET MAN,
ROCKET MAN
BURNING OUT HIS FUSE
UP HERE ALONE *
* AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG, LONG TIME
TILL TOUCHDOWN
BRINGS ME ROUND AGAIN TO FIND
I'M NOT THE MAN
THEY THINK I AM AT HOME,
OH, NO, NO, NO,
I'M A ROCKET MAN,
ROCKET MAN,
BURNING OUT HIS FUSE... *
Megan: GOOD-BYE, SCARECROW.
I'M GONNA MISS YOU MOST OF ALL.
* MARS AIN'T THE KIND OF PLACE
TO RAISE YOUR KIDS *
[SIGHS] DO ME A FAVOR.
Sean: ANYTHING.
Megan: REMEMBER THE BEGINNING
AND MIDDLE OF ME WITH YOU,
NOT THE END.
* IF YOU DID *
Megan: THANK YOU.
* AND ALL THE SCIENCE
I DON'T UNDERSTAND,
IT'S JUST MY JOB 5 DAYS A WEEK,
A ROCKET MAN,
ROCKET MAN *
* AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG, LONG TIME
TILL TOUCHDOWN BRINGS ME
ROUND AGAIN TO FIND
I'M NOT THE MAN
THEY THINK I AM AT HOME *
Megan: I'M GONNA PUT IT ON NOW.
* I'M A ROCKET MAN,
ROCKET MAN,
BURNING OUT HIS FUSE
OUT HERE ALONE *
* AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG, LONG TIME
TILL TOUCHDOWN BRINGS ME
ROUND AGAIN TO FIND
I'M NOT THE MAN
THEY THINK I AM AT HOME,
OH, NO, NO, NO,
I'M A ROCKET MAN,
ROCKET MAN,
BURNING OUT HIS FUSE
OUT HERE ALONE,
AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG, LONG TIME,
AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG LONG, TIME,
AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG, LONG TIME,
AND I THINK IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG, LONG TIME *
[WAVES CRASHING]
[BRUSHING]
[JULIA SIGHS]
WHAT DID SHE DIE OF?
Sean: CANCER.
Julia: DID THE IMPLANTS BRING IT
ON AGAIN OR--
Sean: STATISTICALLY, THE ODDS
ARE LOW.
YOU NEVER KNOW.
I INFORMED HER OF THE RISKS.
Julia: WAS HER HUSBAND WITH HER?
Sean: THEY WERE SEPARATED.
I DON'T KNOW.
Julia: WELL, YOUR SUIT'S
BEEN PRESSED.
I'LL PICK UP YOUR SHIRT FROM
THE DRY CLEANERS.
Sean: THANKS.
Julia: I'D LIKE TO COME
WITH YOU.
Sean: YOU DIDN'T KNOW HER.
Julia: YOU DID, AND YOU'RE
OBVIOUSLY VERY AFFECTED BY
THIS PATIENT.
AND I WANT TO SUPPORT YOU.
YOU'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE, SEAN,
STATISTICS OR NOT.
I'LL CLEAR MY AFTERNOON
TOMORROW.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO ALONE.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[FOOTSTEPS]
Dr. Hiroshi: VERY NICE,
DR. TROY.
PASS.
[LAUGHS]
Adelle: TICK-TOCK, SEAN.
WHEN YOUR TIME'S UP, IT'S UP.
ME, MEGAN.
DON'T FLUNK OUT, BOY WONDER.
Sean: BE QUIET.
I HAVE TO CONCENTRATE.
Adelle: YOU GOT RID OF
MEGAN'S PAIN.
NOW WHAT ABOUT YOURS?
Sean: PLEASE--
Adelle: AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR WIFE?
SHE'S COMING TO THE FUNERAL.
YOU COULDN'T SAY NO.
SHE MIGHT SUSPECT SOMETHING
IF YOU DID.
ISN'T THAT JUST A PIP? HA!
AND AREN'T YOU JUST SO WEAK
FOR LYING?
Sean: YOU'RE CRUEL.
Adelle: I'M ONLY TELLING YOU
WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW.
BUT LET'S BE HONEST, SHALL WE?
YEAH, SURE, I KNOW YOU'RE SAD,
BUT AREN'T YOU JUST ALSO
A LITTLE BIT HAPPY?
Sean: I'LL SEW YOUR MOUTH SHUT,
I SWEAR TO GOD.
Adelle: AREN'T YOU JUST
A LITTLE BIT THRILLED
YOU GOT AWAY WITH IT?
Sean: I DIDN'T KILL HER.
Adelle: YOU GOT AWAY WITH
THE AFFAIR.
SHE WAS RIGHT WHEN SHE CALLED
YOU SCARECROW. HA HA!
YOU NEED A BRAIN.
CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, BUT YOU
COULD HAVE YOUR MEDICAL LICENSE
REVOKED IF SOMEONE SAW YOU
AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME.
Sean: NO ONE SAW ME.
HOUSEKEEPING FOUND HER BODY
THIS MORNING.
Adelle: OH, OF COURSE,
ALL THOSE MOVING LETTERS,
SO NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
SHE WAS SICK. IT WAS HER TIME.
AND NOW, CONVENIENTLY,
YOUR WIFE DOESN'T HAVE TO KNOW.
HA HA! I LOVE IT!
Sean: YOU SHUT UP.
Adelle: THERE'S NO TRACE OF AN
AFFAIR.
Sean: I SAID SHUT UP!
Adelle: BUT THE IRONY OF IT!
INSTEAD OF HELPING TO MASK
YOUR PAIN, THE AFFAIR WITH
MEGAN O'HARA ONLY MADE IT WORSE.
AIN'T LIFE A GODDAMN KICK
IN THE PANTS?
Sean: SHUT UP!
[INSTRUMENTS DROPPING]
Christian: SEAN!
Sean: LEAVE ME ALONE!
Christian: HEY! WHAT THE HELL
HAPPENED IN THERE?
Sean: SHE'S DEAD!
Christian: I WOULD HOPE SO.
Sean: MEGAN!
SHE KILLED HERSELF.
WE WERE HAVING AN AFFAIR,
THE CANCER CAME BACK, AND SHE
TOOK HER LIFE.
Christian: IT'S GOING TO BE OK.
Sean: NO, IT'S NOT.
DON'T YOU GET IT?
YOU'RE NOT THE FAILURE,
CHRISTIAN.
I AM.
I'M THE ONE WHO LIED.
I'M THE ONE WHO CHEATED.
I'M THE ONE WHO LET HER DIE.
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN STRONG, BUT
I'M WEAK.
Christian: SEAN, YOU CAN'T JUST
LEAVE.
YOU HAVE TO GO BACK IN THERE
AND TAKE THE TEST!
Sean: SCREW THE TEST!
I DON'T CARE!
I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING.
Man: MY WIFE...WAS CRAZY.
[CROWD CHUCKLES]
Man: THAT'S WHY I LOVED HER.
SHE PUSHED ME TO TRY THINGS
I WAS AFRAID OF.
SHE HAD NO FEAR.
ON MY FIRST DATE WITH MEGAN,
SHE PICKED ME UP IN HER UGLY
LIME GREEN MG AND TOLD ME
WE WERE GOING HANG-GLIDING.
I THOUGHT SHE WAS KIDDING.
SHE WASN'T.
I NEVER WON A SINGLE GAME
OF SCRABBLE WITH MY WIFE.
SHE TAUGHT ME THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A PAW-PAW AND
A BUTTERFLY WEED.
ON OUR CHALKBOARD IN THE KITCHEN
EVERY DAY SHE WROTE A NEW WORD
SHE THOUGHT I SHOULD KNOW.
[CRYING]
SHE FORCED ME TO BE BETTER.
THAT'S WHAT MARRIAGE IS...
FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE.
MEGAN, YOU CHEATED ME.
YOU PROMISED ME FOR BETTER,
FOR WORSE, REMEMBER?
I DESERVED TO GO THROUGH
THE WORST WITH YOU.
I WANTED TO.
IT WAS MY PLACE.
[SOBBING]
[WHISPERING]
Man: OK.
Man: MEGAN ASKED THAT HER ASHES
BE SCATTERED INTO THE OCEAN.
THAT WAY, HER SPIRIT COULD BE
FOREVER FREE.
[SIGHS] SHE WANTED THOSE SHE
LOVED TO HELP RELEASE A PART OF
HER.
WE'D LIKE TO DO THAT NOW.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[CLOSES DOOR]
Julia: I'M GOING TO MAKE
SOME COFFEE.
YOU WANT SOME?
Sean: NO, THANKS.
Julia: DO YOU WANT ME TO ORDER
OUT?
Sean: I'M NOT THAT HUNGRY.
Julia: DID YOU HAVE AN AFFAIR
WITH HER?
Sean: YES.
[SEAN SIGHS]
Julia: PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME.
[JULIA SIGHS]
WHEN DID IT START?
Sean: AFTER YOU LOST THE BABY.
RIGHT AROUND THE TIME YOU
STARTED SLEEPING WITH JUDE.
Julia: I DIDN'T SLEEP
WITH JUDE, SEAN.
Sean: JULIA, DON'T EMBARRASS
YOURSELF WITH A LIE.
Julia: LIKE YOU HAVE FOR MONTHS?
Sean: I FOUND A PICTURE IN YOUR
BOOK.
Julia: YOU WENT THROUGH
MY THINGS?
Sean: YES. AND I FOUND
THE HALF-NAKED PICTURE OF A BOY
ONLY A FEW YEARS OLDER
THAN YOUR SON.
AND IN THAT SECOND, I HATED YOU
FOR WHAT YOU'D DONE.
AND I KNEW.
AND I TURNED TO SOMEONE
WHO COULD COMFORT ME.
AND SHE DID.
Julia: I DIDN'T SLEEP
WITH HIM, SEAN.
Sean: THAT'S NOT TRUE. I KNOW!
Julia: WAS I TEMPTED?
DID I WANT TO? YES, I DID,
I'M ASHAMED TO SAY,
BUT I ALWAYS WANTED YOU MORE,
SO WHEN IT CAME TO IT,
I DID NOTHING.
[LAUGHS]
[CRYING]
Julia: DID YOU LOVE HER?
Sean: YES.
[JULIA SOBS]
Julia: DO YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE?
Sean: MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER
KNOW.
Julia: AND THIS IS HOW
YOU SHOW IT, SEAN?
THIS IS HOW YOU REWARD MY
PATIENCE AND MY FIDELITY AND
THE SANCTITY OF OUR CHILDREN
AND OUR MARRIAGE, BY SCREWING
ANOTHER WOMAN?
GOD! EVEN YOUR INFIDELITY
IS PASSIVE-AGRESSIVE!
Sean: HOW'S THAT?
Julia: BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD, SEAN!
SHE'S DEAD!
AND SHE DIED A HORRIBLE DEATH,
AND I CAN'T HATE A WOMAN WHO
DIED OF CANCER AT 36.
Sean: HIT ME.
YOU WANT TO.
DO IT.
I DESERVE IT.
THERE'S NOT A CUP HANDY.
JUST HIT ME!
Julia: I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY
TO HIT YOU, SEAN.
OR TO HATE YOU...
OR TO LOVE YOU ANYMORE.
BUT YOU OWE ME THIS...
IT'S ALL I WANT TO KNOW.
WHAT DID SHE GIVE YOU
THAT I COULDN'T?
Sean: SHE SAW THE GOOD IN ME,
JULIA.
SHE SAW THE POTENTIAL, THE HOPE.
EVERY TIME YOU LOOK AT ME,
I SEE IT IN YOUR EYES.
ALL I SEE STARING BACK AT ME
IS REGRET.
ISN'T THAT TRUE?
Julia: YES.
FOR BOTH OF US.
[LAUGHS]
WE WERE SO HAPPY, SEAN.
WE COULD DO ANYTHING TOGETHER.
[SNIFFLES]
THE NIGHT WE GOT MARRIED,
I...I COULDN'T SLEEP.
ALL I DID WAS STARE AT YOU.
I WAS SO IN LOVE WITH YOU.
IT WAS SO FULL OF PROMISE.
AND NOW IT'S ALL GONE,
AND IT'S ALL TURNED TO ASH,
JUST LIKE MEGAN.
AND IT BREAKS MY HEART.
Sean: I CAN'T LOSE YOU,
TOO, JULIA.
[JULIA SNIFFLES]
Julia: WE LOST EACH OTHER
A LONG TIME AGO, SEAN.
[SEAN SOBBING]
Sean: I'M SO SORRY.
I'M SO SORRY.
[SEAN SOBBING]
[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
--www.ncicap.org--]
* MAKE ME
BEAUTIFUL *
* LIFE *